so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
