never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
