my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
