The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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