I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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