Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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