I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
