god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
