I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
