I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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