I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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