I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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