A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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