ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
