True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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