plz talk dirty to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
