I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
