I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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