apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
