I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
