my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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