the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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