you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
