I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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