The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
