just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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