This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's shark week go big or go home
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
