I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
