Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
