We won't sleep together?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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