Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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