God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
