i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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