haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
