let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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