JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
