Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
