I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
