He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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