pop tarts are not kleenex
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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