not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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