nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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