Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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