We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
