People with herpes should wear stickers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
