And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
