After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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