just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
