Its about making memories worth repressing
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
