i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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