guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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