Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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