woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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