I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
