so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
