just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
