Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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