he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
