Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
40s are totally the cure
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
