where does the pee come out of this thing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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